After my massive heart attack-inducing scare regarding my laptop last week, which suffered an untimely and irrevocable demise, I had to have a good stiff drink. And more than that, gentle reader, I wanted to tantalize myself with something new and untried. Let’s scare us up some monkeys! Monkeys = fun! Whereas laptop crashes in the middle of a business trip (and all of my business is contained in said laptop) = woe and Job-like curses to the powers that be. Or, rather, Job’s friends-like curses. Job actually turns out to be quite the existential stoic. But, I digress, to the detriment of my point.

I selected the Monkey Gland cocktail, an ill-named but interesting cocktail because it combines several of my favorite things; gin, a chance to use homemade ingredients (grenadine), a chance to feature a monkey (see right), and absinthe or an absinthe substitutes. It also features the mundane in: orange juice. Maybe that’s the ‘gland’-ish part, hmmm?

Ted Haigh, in Vintage Spirits & Forgotten Cocktails, cites this as his quinessential Prohibition cocktail given its roots in a flapper-inspired frenzy of drinking and behaving in, obviously, uninhibited monkeylike fashion. There are two basic variations on the Monkey Gland, one involving the aforementioned absinthe and the other replacing that with Benedictine. I don’t have any Benedictine…yet, but rest assured I will give the variation a shot once I do. However, that left plenty of experimenting for my eager palate to do as there are various interpretations of the appropriate ratios for the drink.

Monkey Gland Cocktail ver. 1 ³³

• 1 1/2 oz dry gin
• 1 1/2 oz orange juice
• 1 tsp real pomegranate grenadine
• 1 tsp pastis plus 1 dash pastis (or substitute)

Shake vigorously in an iced cocktail shaker and strain into a cocktail glass.

Tasting this, it was a surprise. It’s sort of the reverse effect of the Last Word cocktail; instead of blending everything into a homogenous, and new-flavored, whole, it brings a bright anise flavor layered on top of a pleasant herbal sweetness brought by the gin, juice, and grenadine. The pastis (I used Absente) was like a bright splash of expressionist color swathed against a mild impressionist background. Perfectly pleasant and a really nice drink to feature absinthe. Given the low volume of pastis to the two main ingredients it stands out very well and, while not truly balanced, it retains a nice character all its own in which the pieces fit together if a little apart. Let’s try the other version which is the second version provided by Gary Regan (who, according to Ted Haigh, prefers the Benedictine version) in The Joy of Mixology.

Monkey Gland Cocktail ver. 2

• 2 oz gin
• 3/4 oz orange juice
• absinthe to taste
• grenadine to taste

Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

I’m always nervous about reading ‘to taste’ in a cocktail recipe because, well, if I’ve never tried the drink before or I’m a novice at mixing drinks, how do I know what the drink’s intent was and what the impact of more or less of these ingredients will be? In other words, to have one ingredient listed ‘to taste’ seems a misfortune, to have two seems like carelessness. And, in this version, that shows. The gin comes all brawny and muscle-bound to take over the drink and, from that, the absinthe gets muddled into the background with the grenadine. And, the orange juice? Well, it’s left weeping at the altar wishing it had been engaged to a fine simian instead of a gorrilla. Which is to say, go with the first. And, once I get my Benedictine, I’ll let you know how Regan’s preference holds up.

Beware, however, of too many of these. Apparently the name derives from the practice of transplanting monkey testicles into men to “rejuvenate” them (read: make them horny). And, I can’t exactly say the cocktail doesn’t avoid achieving the desired effect completely without unwarranted surgery³³ .

Next up, a ‘Spotlight On!: Zubrowka’ post, a ‘Fight Night!: Cachaca’ entry, and a little navel-gazing about MxMo XVIII: Fizz!, hosted by yours truly.3

1. from Ted Haigh’s Vintage Spirits & Forgotten Cocktails333
2. this sentence structure brought to you by overwrought.com333

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